How to Stop Caring So Much About What Others Think & Be Authentically You!

Do you ever feel you have to modify who you are to make others comfortable or like you? If so, I think you’ll resonate with one of my recent clients. She was sharing with me about this, and something I said really helped her. It was one of my favorite magical moments in a session recently. One of my clients shared this lifelong problem with feeling like she has to diminish who she is for others to like her or to make them comfortable. We talked about why she does this and discovered that it is a self-preservation or self-protection mechanism.

Here’s why: If we grow up feeling like it’s not safe to be who we are, either mentally, emotionally, or physically, we learn to adapt and be who someone else wants us to be to keep ourselves safe. Adaptation is one of our best survival skills, and it can serve us really well! But it does not serve us well if we use it to diminish ourselves, make someone else comfortable, or make someone like us. The need to be liked and the lack of safety associated with being judged can control us and cause us to abandon ourselves for the approval of another, which typically leaves us feeling pretty bad about ourselves.

I was leading my client through some exercises around how it would feel to stay grounded and centered in who she is in a situation with someone with whom she would normally hide herself. As she practiced how that would feel to her, I offered a thought that immediately brought a smile and a deep sense of relief to her. This thought is so simple, yet brings so much inner freedom, and that thought is: “Not everybody is going to like you, and that’s okay.” Not only is that “okay”, but it is also perfectly normal! You don’t like everyone else either. Not everyone is going to like everyone. That is just how it is and part of being human. It is totally fine if someone doesn’t like me, and I’m not going to be for everyone. This mindset gives us permission to just be who we are. I’ve been working with this concept for a while now, and it has really helped me put myself out there and flip my script on trying to protect myself from others’ judgments. If you also struggle with this, try this technique out and see if it can help you, like it’s helped me, to be free to be who you are, and that is okay! And it will help you attract more people with whom you can relax and just be yourself. They will see who you are and love you for it because self-acceptance leads to others’ acceptance, too.